Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Pooh Bear: "Think, think think..."
Dear Friends,
I have always been a thinker, but this current rotation has made me quite the thinker.
There was an unfortunate case in which the patient had neck cancer. He developed an open wound that wouldn't heal; instead, the wound grew bigger as a result of the cancer. Because it was located on his neck, he would die either from suffocation or it would eventually eat away at his carotid artery and he would bleed to death. He passed away the other night of the latter scenario. It was apparently fast, but there was a lot of blood. I hope he wasn't scared.
Another patient recently got married for the third time. The couple is so adamant that he will be cured of his lung cancer that has spread to his brain and bones. I think that his hopefulness lies in the fact that he wants to live to resolve what he has done in the past. From what he has said, it seems that he has a lot of regret and wants to do it right with his current wife. What struck me the most was how he confidentally kept saying God is going to heal him, but from my peabrain of a human standpoint, I had doubt. Why? The oncologists say so. The world says so. But, God is greater than all of that. Even so, I was saddened by how much doubt I had. I believe, but help my unbelief. It makes me think of this verse:
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
Wow. Both of the patients have been on my mind a lot. And my heart breaks for them...for the patient that died unpleasantly...for the patient that wants a second chance. When you are faced with death, what do you think about? I think about life. How, once again, I continue to take things for granted. I think it's sad that we continue to do so until something major happens or epiphanies occur. Let us be merry, let us love one another, let us strive for God. Yet, even if I have these realizations, it seems to always resort back to taking things for granted. It takes constant reminders to fight the good fight.
Continually thinkthinkthinking,
Tammy
I have always been a thinker, but this current rotation has made me quite the thinker.
There was an unfortunate case in which the patient had neck cancer. He developed an open wound that wouldn't heal; instead, the wound grew bigger as a result of the cancer. Because it was located on his neck, he would die either from suffocation or it would eventually eat away at his carotid artery and he would bleed to death. He passed away the other night of the latter scenario. It was apparently fast, but there was a lot of blood. I hope he wasn't scared.
Another patient recently got married for the third time. The couple is so adamant that he will be cured of his lung cancer that has spread to his brain and bones. I think that his hopefulness lies in the fact that he wants to live to resolve what he has done in the past. From what he has said, it seems that he has a lot of regret and wants to do it right with his current wife. What struck me the most was how he confidentally kept saying God is going to heal him, but from my peabrain of a human standpoint, I had doubt. Why? The oncologists say so. The world says so. But, God is greater than all of that. Even so, I was saddened by how much doubt I had. I believe, but help my unbelief. It makes me think of this verse:
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
Wow. Both of the patients have been on my mind a lot. And my heart breaks for them...for the patient that died unpleasantly...for the patient that wants a second chance. When you are faced with death, what do you think about? I think about life. How, once again, I continue to take things for granted. I think it's sad that we continue to do so until something major happens or epiphanies occur. Let us be merry, let us love one another, let us strive for God. Yet, even if I have these realizations, it seems to always resort back to taking things for granted. It takes constant reminders to fight the good fight.
Continually thinkthinkthinking,
Tammy
Sunday, April 17, 2011
It is well, it is well.
Dear Friends,This post is dedicated to my dearest friend, Jane. We will be venturing to Haiti together and I am thankful that we will be able to experience it with one another. We went to the same high school, but didn't really get to know each other until college. Ah yes, the lure of Jane and the Epic Movement could not keep me away! She has been with me through the more difficult times (and happier times) in my life. I reflect back on our friendship and am amazed by how much God has grown it. Jane has been an immense blessing in my life with her support and encouragement. I remember the night I skipped Epic to go to a family emergency at a hospital in Portland. Before I left, I ran into Jane and Aaron and they expressed heartfelt support even when I was probably a zombie in disbelief. Although I isolated myself during the grieving process with my family, I knew that I was lifted up with prayers. Jane was also supportive while I was pursuing a mission trip with the Epic Bay Area Summer Project in 2006. I was met with many obstacles to the point of which I am still affected by today, but the community I was with carried me throughout it all. When I felt helpless, Jane provided hope. There were many pivotal moments in my life for which I am thankful that Jane was a part of.
And, she understands me. Thank you, Jane, for laughing with me, celebrating with me, crying with me, praying with me, and loving on Haiti with me.
Forever thankful,
Tammy
Jane, I am so glad to have seen you grow over the many years. God is continually working in you and you will do great things. I can't wait to witness what else may come!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I ponder as I wander
Dear Friends,
I should probably be sleeping because I need to wake up at 5:30 am every weekday, but I am a night owl even if it kills me in the morning. You know how you sometimes feel like a limp noodle all day? Coffeeeeeee.
Currently, I am on a hospice/palliative care rotation. I am enjoying the rotation, although there are some sad cases. I know that we are all dying (morbid thought, but I am technically dying as I type this and as you read this), but they are actively dying. Most of them are dying from lung cancer (history of smoking) that has spread to other parts of their body. Then, it makes me have these random thoughts (please don't be offended). Would you still give into an addiction even if you know that the potential end consequence is death full of suffering? What if a simple addiction like Facebooking ends up giving you brain tumors--would you still visit the website? Or that shopping would end up tipping you over into the negatives? What if we lived life avoiding addictions by assuming that the consequences outweigh the momentary pleasure? How much more ambition would this give you to have self-discipline to spend your time more wisely? Yikes, these are extreme bubbles of thoughts, but I can be an extreme kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect in this. I am empathetic for those that truly do struggle with addictions, but I do believe in the importance of self-control with perspective.
I learned this from a service at Solid Rock from John Mark: discipline and disciple both come from the same root word. Disciples, as followers of Christ, are called to have self-discipline. Ohh, let me tell you, self-discipline is a work-in-progress for me, but I strive to be steadfast for Christ and have tunnel vision for God. Everything else should just...deflect off of me :) If I had better self-control, I would be in bed by 9pm every night because I know how it would affect me the next day if I don't.
And so ends another night of brain purging onto this pixelated journal.
:) + <3,
Tammy
I should probably be sleeping because I need to wake up at 5:30 am every weekday, but I am a night owl even if it kills me in the morning. You know how you sometimes feel like a limp noodle all day? Coffeeeeeee.
Currently, I am on a hospice/palliative care rotation. I am enjoying the rotation, although there are some sad cases. I know that we are all dying (morbid thought, but I am technically dying as I type this and as you read this), but they are actively dying. Most of them are dying from lung cancer (history of smoking) that has spread to other parts of their body. Then, it makes me have these random thoughts (please don't be offended). Would you still give into an addiction even if you know that the potential end consequence is death full of suffering? What if a simple addiction like Facebooking ends up giving you brain tumors--would you still visit the website? Or that shopping would end up tipping you over into the negatives? What if we lived life avoiding addictions by assuming that the consequences outweigh the momentary pleasure? How much more ambition would this give you to have self-discipline to spend your time more wisely? Yikes, these are extreme bubbles of thoughts, but I can be an extreme kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect in this. I am empathetic for those that truly do struggle with addictions, but I do believe in the importance of self-control with perspective.
I learned this from a service at Solid Rock from John Mark: discipline and disciple both come from the same root word. Disciples, as followers of Christ, are called to have self-discipline. Ohh, let me tell you, self-discipline is a work-in-progress for me, but I strive to be steadfast for Christ and have tunnel vision for God. Everything else should just...deflect off of me :) If I had better self-control, I would be in bed by 9pm every night because I know how it would affect me the next day if I don't.
And so ends another night of brain purging onto this pixelated journal.
:) + <3,
Tammy
Monday, April 11, 2011
One week closer to Haiti...
Dear Friends,
As I am reflecting back on everything that has happened this past year, I realize how thankful I am that God has brought me through it all. There were difficult times, there were happy times. His timing is always so perfect and I will always remain in constant awe of His orchestration. I know my life would be a wreck if I tried to control it--and believe me, it is a difficult thing to let go of (Type A personality, anyone?). Counting my blessings would be immeasurable.
I have really dry hands right now. They are like sandpaper, but it's okay because now I will be able to exfoliate my face with my hands. Until next time, dear friends, be well!
With merriment,
Tammy
As I am reflecting back on everything that has happened this past year, I realize how thankful I am that God has brought me through it all. There were difficult times, there were happy times. His timing is always so perfect and I will always remain in constant awe of His orchestration. I know my life would be a wreck if I tried to control it--and believe me, it is a difficult thing to let go of (Type A personality, anyone?). Counting my blessings would be immeasurable.
I have really dry hands right now. They are like sandpaper, but it's okay because now I will be able to exfoliate my face with my hands. Until next time, dear friends, be well!
With merriment,
Tammy
Monday, April 4, 2011
First Meeting
Dear Friends,Glad you made it to my blog! I am coughing uncontrollably as I type this first post with sore arms from my immunizations (or sore arms from hugging myself too much), but I am excited to share my journey with you as I pursue God's mission in Haiti. We had our first team meeting yesterday and...wow. The meeting made everything so real; it has been a passion of mine to serve overseas and now the opportunity is just 1.5 months away. It's what they say: the days are long, but the years are short. What struck me the most about the meeting was realizing how important prayers will be for this journey. Let me flush this out with my thoughts:
-First and foremost, the purpose of our team is to serve Haiti. Everything that we will do will be through the strength of Christ and for the glory of Christ. I pray that the people there will tangibly experience God's love and that they would fully understand the Gospel. It truly is God's mission in Haiti and we are just the vessels. Let us be transparent, graceful, and serve with obedient hearts!
-Physical strength and protection. So, I hear we are building concrete/steel/some-sort-of-heavy-material-that-I-can't-currently-remember houses. Either way, it sounds heavy to me (especially in 95+ degree, humid weather). And, you probably know of my frail physique, but I have the heart of a lion even if I have a strength of a weasel. I will also be testing the integrity of my stomach lining with what I might potentially eat or drink there. I would say that I have a pretty good tolerance to food because I would eat week old items in the fridge as part of a college lifestyle. Either way, God, I pray for physical strength and endurance as I serve these people. For my weakness is made strong through God (and please, have mercy on my biceps and stomach!).
-Safety. There will be security guards, which is actually mind-blowing to me, but I pray that our team and the people of Haiti would have a sense of peace and comfort during the restoration of their country.
As for you all, thank you so much for your support. I know that I would not have been able to arrive at this point of my life without you all. Forever grateful for such a wonderful family! Please let me know how I can pray for you by sending me a message or giving me a call!
For Him,
Tammy
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