I ponder as I wander

Dear Friends,

I should probably be sleeping because I need to wake up at 5:30 am every weekday, but I am a night owl even if it kills me in the morning. You know how you sometimes feel like a limp noodle all day? Coffeeeeeee.

Currently, I am on a hospice/palliative care rotation. I am enjoying the rotation, although there are some sad cases. I know that we are all dying (morbid thought, but I am technically dying as I type this and as you read this), but they are actively dying. Most of them are dying from lung cancer (history of smoking) that has spread to other parts of their body. Then, it makes me have these random thoughts (please don't be offended). Would you still give into an addiction even if you know that the potential end consequence is death full of suffering? What if a simple addiction like Facebooking ends up giving you brain tumors--would you still visit the website? Or that shopping would end up tipping you over into the negatives? What if we lived life avoiding addictions by assuming that the consequences outweigh the momentary pleasure? How much more ambition would this give you to have self-discipline to spend your time more wisely? Yikes, these are extreme bubbles of thoughts, but I can be an extreme kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect in this. I am empathetic for those that truly do struggle with addictions, but I do believe in the importance of self-control with perspective.

I learned this from a service at Solid Rock from John Mark: discipline and disciple both come from the same root word. Disciples, as followers of Christ, are called to have self-discipline. Ohh, let me tell you, self-discipline is a work-in-progress for me, but I strive to be steadfast for Christ and have tunnel vision for God. Everything else should just...deflect off of me :) If I had better self-control, I would be in bed by 9pm every night because I know how it would affect me the next day if I don't.

And so ends another night of brain purging onto this pixelated journal.

:) + <3,
Tammy